Feast of Our Lady of Fatima (mfg)

Today is the Feast of Our Lady of Fatima, and a holy day of obligation for Catholics. 350,000 people, mostly Portuguese, walk to Fatima from all directions to be In that town on 13 May.They walk as singles or in organized groups.

This is a devout and religious country. Evidence is everywhere – shrines in the middle of nowhere and in the center of every city.

Like many lapsed Catholics, I have a complicated relationship with the church. I grew up loving and depending upon the traditions, the feast days, the saints, guardian angels, the smell of incense on holidays, and mostly Mary.

For host of reasons, I haven’t been to Mass in a very long time, and when I have gone, I felt duplicitous and disengaged.

I would love to reconcile my wish for a spiritual community with the resentment I feel toward organized religion.

Since we’ve arrived in Portugal, we’ve stepped into just about every open church we’ve passed. I have seen old churches, ancient churches, tiled churches, some well maintained, others in need of repair.

At each one I’ve said a prayer or two and felt the beginning of a sense of openness in those buildings.

This morning we walked into St. Anthony’s Church.

There was a mass for Our Lady in progress so we stayed. I didn’t feel anything but comfort that I knew when to stand, kneel, say the Our Father.

I loved that I was honoring Mary on her feast day and that I felt somewhat at home.

I think it was because the mass was delivered in Portuguese so I couldn’t focus on what I disagree with or understand the words that make me mad.

I doubt I’ll ever go back to being a practicing Catholic but for today I felt connected to a loving deity during a communal service. I haven’t felt in a very long time. It felt good and right.

What a gift.